A woman is wondering whether she would be wrong to make her husband step down as his best friend’s groomsman due to financial struggles.
In a post on Reddit’s popular “Am I the A——” forum, the woman shared that one of her husband’s best friends asked him to become a groomsman months ago and he had said “yes.” However, the couple’s recent financial situation has put their attendance at the wedding in jeopardy.
The OP (original poster) noted that their financial situation “has gotten very bad,” as she is a freelance writer who is also a “full-time caregiver” to the couple’s toddler. Her husband, meanwhile, “works for the U.S. government” and they are afraid he is going to “get laid off.”
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She also noted that her husband’s workplace has been “behind on reimbursing him for work travel,” so they had to “borrow money from his parents to pay the mortgage,” and they are also “behind on every bill.”
“We already decided that my husband can’t go to the bachelor party (a weekend in a $$$ city) because we can’t afford it,” the OP wrote. “We also decided that I will not attend the wedding — it’s in a different state and we can’t pay for two plane tickets (or childcare since it’s a child-free wedding).”
“The groomsmen are also required to wear customized suits, and we just don’t have the money for a custom suit. The one they’re going to wear is $500,” she added.
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The OP said she “offered to find a suit for rental that’s as close to the other suits as possible,” but the bride and groom “want everyone to be matching.” She also noted that she feels “really guilty about not bringing in more money so that my husband can do what he wants,” though she tries to “minimize” her “financial footprint” as much as she can.
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“I cut my own hair, take on as many freelance assignments as I can, don’t buy myself things,” she explained. “In the past two years, I’ve turned down invitations for two weddings, one bachelorette weekend and two baby showers because they were all out of state and I couldn’t justify the cost of the plane ticket and travel expenses.”
“I try to do as much as I can to save money for our family and I feel awful that I can’t do more,” she added, before asking fellow Redditors their opinions on her plan to have her husband be “a guest instead” to save money.
Several people assured the OP that she’s not being unreasonable by wanting to prioritize the well-being of her family.
“Could he still attend the wedding but not be a groomsman?” one person suggested. “If that reduction still isn’t enough, you’re prioritizing the right things with your bills and child. It’s a very tough time, and I wish you the best of luck.”
Another commenter asked, “Has your husband talked to his best friend about the financial burden he’s asking for with the wedding?”
The same person continued: “If you’re at the point where you are considering selling body parts, surely your husband can have a hard conversation with his friend, to see if there’s anything [the] groom can do to lower the cost of supporting him.”
“It sounds like you’re in a tough situation, and sometimes when the money isn’t there it just isn’t there,” another Redditor chimed in. “It sucks, but you can’t let something like this put you in an even worse financial situation.”
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