Woman Says Her ‘Perfect’ Boyfriend Will Only Marry Her If She Accepts an Open Relationship

A woman sought support from the Reddit community following a painful relationship crossroads that forced her to choose between love and her core values.

In her post, she explained that her family had been pressuring her about marriage but a conversation with her long-term boyfriend changed everything.

“We’re both from different Asian backgrounds, and the pressure from my family about marriage was high,” she wrote, setting the stage for why the issue had suddenly become unavoidable. What made the situation harder, she said, was that her partner seemed perfect in nearly every other way.

“I want to make it absolutely clear that my boyfriend was, in every way except one, an incredible partner,” she shared. “He loves me deeply and takes excellent care of me. He cooks, handles everything when I’m sick, gives me constant affection (GM/GN kisses), and is financially generous. I asked for $300 once, and he sent $1,000. He even fought with his sister to defend me. We have a genuinely great life together.”

Despite all of that, she said the future he envisioned was something she could not live with. “He’d been upfront since the start that he wanted to pursue other women once he was financially stable,” she explained, revealing the expectation that had always lingered in the background.

When she finally raised the idea of marriage, she said he agreed, but with one firm condition attached. “He agreed, but only under one condition: I must accept an open relationship,” she wrote, adding that he wanted her to date other people so he would not feel guilty.

Although he had not cheated, she said his intentions were clear and unchanging. “These were his firm, stated intentions for our future,” she wrote, making it impossible for her to dismiss his words as hypothetical.

“My core value was I can never see you with anyone else while being with me,” she explained, adding that she could not commit to “a man who was guaranteed to seek out other women.”

Because of that, she said she made the painful decision to leave. “I told him that because we were fundamentally incompatible, I needed to break up and move out,” she shared, describing the moment she chose herself over the relationship.

What followed, she said, was behavior that made leaving even harder. “He was actively blocking my attempts to move, telling me ‘it’s not safe for you to be alone,’ ” she wrote, adding that he would threaten to leave himself but never actually did.

She described an exhausting cycle of mixed messages. “He flip-flopped between acting like he didn’t care if I went and then desperately texting me non-stop when I tried to create distance,” she said, adding that he claimed he loved her too much to let her go.

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Still, she wondered if she was wrong to walk away from what appeared to be a secure life. “Am I the AH for refusing the only way he would marry me and insisting on ending a relationship that was otherwise so perfect?” she asked.

In response, one commenter urged her to prioritize her safety and freedom. “When he is at work, go. Do not tell him where you are. Block him,” they advised.

“This man has told you, repeatedly, that he plans to upgrade from you to another woman once he is rich enough to (in theory) raise his social capital to attract a more desirable to him mate,” another said. “Dump him immediately and go no contact.”

“NTA and this “sweet and loving” guy is now being a controlling a——,” another cautioned. “Just leave and if he tries to physically stop you then call the cops. He’s not the guy for you even if he does relent on his open marriage crap.”