A woman says her boyfriend asked her to learn Polish before a big trip to meet his family — and it’s causing major tension in their relationship.
The 27-year-old turned to Reddit’s “Am I the A——?” forum on Dec. 4 to detail the situation, explaining that her boyfriend, 29, made the request a mere two weeks before they were scheduled to leave for their trip to his native country.
“My boyfriend was born in Poland and both of his parents are Polish, but he went to international schools growing up and has been living in the U.S. for the past 8 years,” she wrote. “He speaks English like a native speaker and only speaks Polish around his parents or other family members.”
The woman, who says she has been dating the man for “a little over a year,” noted that she is “super excited to meet his family and discover the country he grew up in.”
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“Here’s where we started to have a problem,” she continued. “My boyfriend asked if I could start learning Polish … so that I could communicate with his family. I completely understand why he would ask and have no problem with the idea itself, however for multiple reasons this would be complicated for me, so I said no.”
She shared that they would be traveling to Poland on Dec. 19, “which is in two weeks so there’s no way I’ll have time to learn a language in two weeks, especially since Polish is pretty difficult.”
The woman also noted that she recently earned a promotion at a “very demanding job” — and is already attempting to learn a new language for her company.
“I currently have a lot of work to do before I can leave for the holidays so I have very little time to spare,” she said, adding, “I’ve been asked by my company to learn Italian for professional reasons, so … I feel like starting a new language now would make it all tangled up in my head.”
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As a compromise, she told her boyfriend that she’d learn simple Polish words and phrases before their trip.
She also revealed that “both of his parents speak English pretty well, and some of his other family members too,” and suggested that her boyfriend just translate whenever there was a communication barrier.
“He got angry at me and said that I was disrespectful to his family and I wasn’t making efforts to understand his culture,” she recalled.
“He went on a rant about how Americans never make efforts to speak other languages,” she concluded, noting that she already speaks three languages fluently in addition to the one she is currently learning. “He even told me that I should just stay here and not come with him for the holidays.”
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The concerned girlfriend then asked Reddit users for suggestions on what to do next, reiterating that “what he’s asking me is just not doable” — and users flocked to the comments section to share their thoughts.
“Your boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand the language of reason,” one user quipped. “Ask him this: ‘Should we postpone the trip by a year? That should give me plenty of time to master Polish to meet your expectations.’ ”
The majority of readers agreed with the original poster and pointed out how this should be seen as a major red flag moment in their relationship.
“Do as he suggested and stay home. He is going to make your time there miserable,” one person replied. ”This is a harbinger of things to come and I would think about if this is the future you want.”
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