- Woman says she is “upset” and “unsure” after seeing messages from an all-guys’ group chat her partner is in.
- The woman, who detailed her story on a U.K.-based community site Mumsnet, says her partner used “some really inappropriate terms” when discussing some of her friends.
- Community members were divided over how the woman should handle the situation.
A woman says she is “upset” and “unsure” after seeing messages from her partner’s all-male group chat, and she’s now wondering if she should confront him.
The woman detailed her story in the “Am I Being Unreasonable?” forum on the U.K.-based community site Mumsnet, where women can go to seek advice from other women. In her post, the woman shared that she has a close friend who is currently going through a “rough time” with her partner.
She says that her friend “had recent suspicions” that her partner was being unfaithful, and so she ended up secretly reading through her boyfriend’s texts. The original poster (OP) says that while her friend didn’t find any evidence of cheating, she found some upsetting messages in an all-guys’ group chat — of which the OP’s partner is a member.
The OP says that her friend took photos of some of the messages and then texted them to her, which is how she ultimately learned that her partner was “using some really inappropriate terms when discussing other women, including members of our wider friend group.”
She says that in one of the messages, her partner wrote that he “wouldn’t ride her into battle” when talking about a woman in their circle. In another text, he wrote that another woman they know “must be a s— shag because I’ve never known anyone with a body like that to be single for that long.”
getty
Never miss a story — sign up for PEOPLE’s free daily newsletter to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.
“Do I say anything?” the woman asked her fellow community members. She added: “It will possibly give away that my friend has been snooping on her partner and I don’t want to cause any issues for her. But at the same time, [I’m] really upset about how my [partner] described my two friends.”
Responses were mixed over whether or not the OP should confront her partner about the private messages she saw.
“I have some Private chats with my Best Mates on WhatsApp […] that can be saucy. Maybe they go too far … but it’s all meaningless, just a bit of fun. [Your friend] snooping […] then dragging you into her marital woes, is much worse,” wrote one person.
“Leave it,” said someone else. “Your friend was wrong to go snooping in that chat and she’s causing drama by telling you […]. Don’t police his actions with his mates. You’ll come across as controlling.”
Others, however, said that they would feel compelled to say something — and that the texts might even be a deal breaker for them.
The PEOPLE Puzzler crossword is here! How quickly can you solve it? Play now!
“I would confront him. Some women wouldn’t care, but you obviously do. FWIW [for what it’s worth] that would give me the major ick that I’m not sure I’d be able to come back from,” said one person, adding, “It’s grim.”
“It’s giving you some interesting insight into how your partner views women…it would definitely change how I saw my partner tbh,” added someone else.
Another person said: “I’m really shocked by the people saying leave it – I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who talks about women in such a disgusting way.”
Read the full article here
