NEED TO KNOW
- A man is confused after his ex-wife expects presents on Christmas from him
- The original poster said his ex wanted him to get her presents from their kids after their separation
- However, OP didn’t know that and instead bought himself gifts from Santa
After going through a particularly difficult separation, a man is left confused when his ex-wife expects presents — bought by him — from their kids on Christmas.
The original poster (OP) shared their story on Reddit’s AITA and explained that he’d separated from his ex in February of last year. He called it an “awful separation” since his ex had cheated on him with someone they both work with, who he thought was also his friend. He said they both went behind his back to keep the affair a secret, but he found out after he realized something was going on.
He shares his three young kids — a 7-year-old and 3-year-old twins — with his ex. Since everything happened, OP said it’s been tough, and they have been trying to figure out how to co-parent together. They still live together and are waiting to move into separate places.
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OP said he’s still “pretty bitter” towards his ex, especially since she’s been unapologetic about the affair. Before Christmas this year, his ex approached him and suggested they make a plan to split the cost of the kids’ presents. She also said she thinks it’s a good idea for each of us to have presents as well so the kids could see they’re included.
OP agreed and said he understand that to mean he would purchase presents for himself. He was then “shocked” to have three extra presents on Christmas morning from his kids to open. He also said he was frustrated because if he’d known that was the plan, he would’ve gotten presents for his ex.
That same day, his ex’s mom texted him to let him know that she was upset he didn’t buy presents for his ex. She said it should be an expectation that OP would buy his ex presents on Christmas, birthdays and Mother’s Day from the kids. OP said he was taken aback since his ex’s mother hasn’t been involved in their separation, and he’s left angry and upset. He asks for the community’s thoughts.
In his comments, almost everyone agreed that OP was not in the wrong for not buying his ex presents from their kids.
“NTA. You don’t have to buy your ex presents if you don’t want to and from the sounds of it, it seems the communication was you would organize your own presents,” one person wrote. “I’d text back the [mother-in-law] and just say moving forward if she wants to organize presents from the kids to mom she is welcome to do so, but you will not be doing it. I’d return the gifts ex gave you from the kids back to the ex.”
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Another pointed out that OP’s ex seems to have expectations for him, even though they aren’t in a relationship anymore.
“NTA. No. You can help your kids pick out something small for their mom while they are still young. But something from you to her and her to you is a no-go and totally unnecessary. Or from you, to her from Santa, etc,” they said. “You buying your own present from Santa is all that is needed. Her expectation is in fact, ridiculous.”
“You are co-parenting and are no longer together. The expectations she has are for someone in a committed relationship and have nothing to do with co-parenting,” they continued. “She doesn’t dictate this, and neither does her mother. Get a co-parenting app and tell her mother to butt the hell out.”
A third disagreed with the rest and said that part of co-parenting is doing things like purchasing Christmas gifts for your ex.
“I think part of being a parent is helping your kids get a gift for the other parent. They should be choosing it with your guidance. Whether you are a couple or not is irrelevant,” they said.
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