Dad Hurt After Newlywed Son Chooses to Spend Christmas Day with In-Laws. Now He Wants to Know If He Can ‘Push Back’

A man turned to the Reddit community for support after sharing difficulty navigating his first holiday season with his newly married son. 

He explained that he and his wife were truly happy for the couple and said they were “genuinely supportive of them creating their own life and traditions.”

In his post, the father added that he firmly believed that “once you get married, your wife becomes your primary family and the parents are immediately relegated to second tier.” Still, he admitted that hearing their holiday plan left him and his wife with complicated feelings.

According to him, the newlyweds told them that their “new tradition” would be to spend Christmas Eve with his side of the family. They then planned to spend Christmas Day morning alone before going to the daughter-in-law’s parents’ home “for the rest of Christmas Day.”

While he appreciated being included, the father said he and his wife “were honestly somewhat hurt by this.” He explained that the arrangement suggested that “for every Christmas going forward, we will never host them on Christmas Day.”

He noted that her parents would “always have them on the day itself,” which made the couple feel pushed aside. He also worried that the imbalance would become “exponentially worse” once grandchildren eventually entered the picture.

The father acknowledged that “it’s not practical for them to visit two houses on Christmas Day,” but he still hoped for a more equal approach. He shared that he wanted to “gently push back and propose an alternating schedule.”

His suggested plan was simple and, to him, fair. “Year 1: Christmas Eve with us / Christmas Day with DIL’s family. Year 2: Christmas Eve with DIL’s family / Christmas Day with us,” he wrote.

What he truly wanted to know was whether making such a request would be reasonable. He asked readers how to raise the topic “without sounding demanding or unsupportive.”

He emphasized that he valued the relationship and didn’t want tension to build. “We want to maintain a good relationship, but we also feel it’s important to establish a fair balance now before the tradition is set in stone,” he explained.

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Commenters on the forum did not hold back in their responses. One user told him, “YTA this isn’t your decision to make it’s theirs,” and added that he should expect the couple to spend holidays at home once children arrived.

Another commenter noted that the language he used suggested a misunderstanding of his role in the decision. “My biggest issue with this is that you’ve said ‘push back’ a few times,” they wrote.

“You can push back if someone asks your opinion or asks you to do something, but you can’t really push back in this situation,” the commenter continued. “You can let them know how you feel but if you handle it the wrong way you may lose Christmas Eve as well.”