A woman says she has to back out of her best friend’s wedding due to financial reasons.
She shared in a post on Reddit’s popular “Am I The A——” forum that her “best friend of many years” was getting married and asked her to be her bridesmaid. She added that while she had been “thrilled at first,” her “excitement turned into anxiety” as she friend explained the details of the nuptials.
She noted that the costs her friend described piled up between the “expensive dresses” “destination weekend” Bachelorette party and other costs like hair, makeup, and gifts. She shared, “I did the math, and it’s way out of my budget.”
“I told her that while I’m honored she asked, I can’t afford to be in the wedding,” she continued. “I offered to support her in other ways, like helping with planning or attending her bridal shower, but she was upset.”
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The woman noted that her best friend told her that “she thought being her bridesmaid was non-negotiable” since they were “so close” and “didn’t think it was fair” for her to “back out over money.” She said her friend also “implied” that she could “make it work” financially if she “really tried” and suggested that she “use her savings” or “pick up extra work to cover the costs.”
“Now I feel like I’ve let her down and maybe overreacted by saying no so quickly,” the Redditor shared. “I know how important this day is to her, but I also can’t justify putting myself into debt or draining my savings for it.”
She added that her friend has been “distant” since their conversation and she’s “worried” that she’s “damaged our friendship,” before opening up the forum to comments.
Several people agreed with the woman, including one who said, “You shouldn’t go into debt for your own wedding, much less someone else’s!”
In response, the Redditor replied, “Thank you for this perspective. I feel the same getting into debt for someone else’s wedding doesn’t make sense, no matter how close we are. It’s a relief to hear I’m not alone in thinking this way.”
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Another person commented that the woman’s friend is “the one who just damaged the relationship,” as her “image of a perfect wedding is more important to her than your friendship.” She added, “She is more than willing for you to work extra, drain your savings, and go into debt so that she can have her perfect day.”
Another told the girl “you don’t need to go into debt or squander your savings for her day,” and added that “the fact that she’s trying to guilt you to into it , should tell you all you need to know.”
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