NEED TO KNOW
- A mother feels “furious” and “insulted” after her daughter chose to wear her mother-in-law’s wedding dress instead of hers
- The bride asked Redditors if she made the wrong decision, noting that she “simply fell in love with” her future mother-in-law’s wedding dress and didn’t intend to “offend” her mother
- Most Redditors thought that the bride’s choice was justified, but that she could have handled the situation “with much more sensitivity”
A bride’s wedding dress choice has sparked family drama.
The bride asked Reddit users in a post on the platform’s “Am I the A——” forum whether or not she’s in the wrong for choosing to wear her future mother-in-law’s wedding dress instead of her own mother’s dress.
“She was furious. She feels insulted that I chose my future MIL (mother-in-law)’s dress over hers,” the bride shared of her mother’s reaction, adding, “She’s upset that I would allow my MIL to provide such a sentimental and important item, rather than having it come from her.”
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Because the bride, 28, and groom, 29, are “completely” paying for their nuptials themselves, the bride thought it would be more budget-friendly to wear a secondhand wedding dress. She initially settled on her mother’s old wedding dress “to save some money” after “having a lot of trouble” finding a dress in her price range, but she changed her mind after seeing her mother-in-law’s “absolutely gorgeous” gown.
The groom had mentioned to his mother that his fiancée “had struggled to find a dress,” so she offered up hers as an option. The bride instantly fell in love with it.
“My fiancé’s family has a significant amount of money, and the dress perfectly fits the whole ‘old money wedding’ aesthetic. It’s also excellent quality and was probably very expensive to buy,” the bride explained. “My future MIL insisted I take the dress for free since she’s never going to use it again.”
After the “ecstatic” bride shared the news with her mother, she didn’t get the happy reaction she was expecting.
“[She] accused me of using her dress as a ‘backup’ until I found something better,” the bride remembered.
She noted, “It was never my intention to offend my mother in any way, I simply fell in love with my future MIL’s dress.”
Now, the bride’s father wants her to “apologize” and wear her mother’s dress to “make everyone’s lives easier.” The bride also fears that if she doesn’t go back to wearing her mother’s dress then her mother “may try to retaliate in some way,” potentially ruining the “friendship” she has with the groom’s mother.
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The majority of Redditors commented that the bride was not in the wrong for choosing to wear her mother-in-law’s wedding dress, but that her mother’s “hurt” feelings are also valid. A few people argued that the bride could have told her mom the news “with much more sensitivity.”
“Maybe you didn’t handle situation in the most sensitive way,” one comment reads. “Your mom was probably thrilled that you wanted to wear her dress, and then when you chose someone else’s over hers, that probably felt like a major rejection to her. Even if that’s not how you meant to make her feel.”
Another person added, “Keep in mind that wearing your mom’s wedding dress is often more about honoring her than liking the look of the dress. I don’t blame you for picking the pretty one at all! But try to understand why your mom’s feeling slighted.”
A handful of commenters suggested finding another way for the bride to “honor” her mother at her wedding, such as wearing her wedding veil.
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